Silly of me

I had never felt so sure about being with someone in my life
Wanted to spend my days with you, my nights with you
Wanted to show you all of me, from the inside out
Was so ready to slowly let down my guard and trust again
Wanted to show you the softer side of me, the side that made loving possible
Wanted to offer you the key to unlock my heart, I wanted you to be my ultimate love; I felt like you may have been the one, felt like I would finally be happy for a change but that idea quickly changed. Silly of me to think I could ever have you for myself; Silly of me for thinking I could be the one to make you happy; Silly of me for falling for you, saying I love you, telling you all I wanted was you in my present & future
Silly of me to offer you all of my great qualities, silly of me for believing you trusted me with your heart; silly of me for spending countless nights listening to love songs, missing you, yearning for you
Craving your touch, wanting to be in your presence, wanting you to be the only one to make love to me, silly of me for having all of these silly thoughts, silly of me for living in a fantasy world
Thinking that anything and everything was possible, when in actuality, nothing was possible because you didn’t want it to be possible. The love that I wanted to fall in love with never gave me the chance to show love ultimately from the interior to the exterior….
So much false hope; so much time waisted; so much I looked forward to for...nothing. You spoke those three words...I love you... but if you truly loved me, then you'd be in my present instead of now being my past.

Goodbye love

Feels like...My heart is Gone

Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like...I'm dreaming but I'm awake
Feels like... I'm numb and frozen
Feels like... My pulse is getting weaker
Feels like...My heart stopped beating
Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like...My world is falling apart
Feels like...I'm in the dark, and it's so cold
Feels like...I'm in a state of confusion & uncertainty
Feels like...My heart has stepped out of my body
Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like... I've been cut into a million peices
Feels like...The tears running down my face are unreal
Feels like...My hopes were up too high for nothing
Feels like...I stepped forward and fell flat on my face
Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like...I put my heart on the line and...it was cut
Feels like...I'm living but I'm not
Feels like...I'm breathing with no air
Feels like... the ultimate love I longed for vanished
Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like...I have to give up and never look back
Feels like...I'm closing my heart to love, because love hurts too much
Feels like...I'm constantly giving myself and getting mind fucked
Feels like...The word "Love" equals disappointment, lies & pain
Feels like... My heart is gone

Feels like...My brain has shut down
Feels like...A storm has wiped everything away
Feels like...I was left on a deserted island with no food or water
Feels like...A nightmare I'm praying to wake up from
Feels like... My heart is gone

Gone...

Feels like I’ve been slowly dying
Slipping into a coma for quite some time now
Headed into a deep dark cold sleep
Thinking that it was all a dream when…
It was actually reality settling in
I did things to mask the hurt and pain but
It didn’t work, each day I died slowly until
One morning I felt numb and lifeless
I felt pain in my heart, distress, a void
That morning… I died. Every inch of me that ever loved
Died. My heat couldn’t go on loving anymore
Hurt, pain, distress, mistreatment, neglect, my heart
Walked all over. My feelings? Crushed. My thoughts? Ignored
My wants and desires? Overlooked. Love had infected me venomously
If this is the result of what love is supposed to feel like then
Pull the plug and let me code blue. No need for me to cling on to life when love will leave me for dead anyway. Love? I put EVERYTHING on the line for it, sacrificing so much to end up with…a broken heart. Love, has left a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. Love has caused me to have:little to no trust, insecurities, doubtfulness, worrisome, love has scarred my perception of what love is truly supposed to be like and feel like. Love has corrupted my mind
Love has done nothing but lead me in a ruthless and reckless lane, ending up feeling alone, used, dissatisfied, angry and disgusted. My heart? I decided to lock up and throw away the key. Love doesn’t live here anymore, sick of being lied to, sick of being alone, sick of fantasizing about one day having this “Love” out of a fairy tale book. I’m now convinced that love is for the birds, the butterflies and the bees, love is not for me. If I can’t be shown love, If I can’t get what I deserve from love, if love can’t help me make the right decisions instead of leading me into a danger zone, I don’t want love. I don’t believe in it anymore and it doesn’t believe in me either. If I can’t be rescued from Love’s torture chamber, then Love will remain nothing to me. Love? The word is constantly misused for one’s own selfish purposes. Love? The word is entailed with empty promises, broken promises, too many sorry's and lame excuses and not enough time invested in showing what love really means. Love, I’ve had enough. Love, stay away from me. Love, don’t utter the words when you refuse to show your true self. Love? I can't.....

My Love Equals Simplicity

My love
Is one that's not complicated
But is simple and real
If I tell you I love you
Then believe me, I do
But love should never be a one way street
Love should always be proven with action
It never takes much
To make a girl like me happy
My Love Equals Simplicity

My love doesn't require
Materialistic trinkets for happiness
My love cannot be brought
My love remains.....simple
Quality time
Romance
Wining and dinning
Special and memorable moments
Adventure
Exploration
A love that can be given and received
By both people
My Love Equals Simplicity

I love to love
I love being in love
Having that intimate and deep connection
Having similar qualities and similar interests
It feels so good, being wanted and appreciated
Being loved, you looking into each others eyes
Appreciating each other as a whole
Holding hands
Making plans
Making love
Having out-of-this-world-sex
That takes you to new heights
Feeling so many things that
You've never felt before
A love like mine can have you
All up in love & smiling because
Loving me is never a mistake
My Love Equals Simplicity


TO BE CONTINUED......

Why?

Why should I open up to you?
Only to be let down
Why should I let you fill my head
With all of these fantasies and fairy tales?
You’ll say everything I wanna hear
Only to get what you want
Then when you’re finished
In the end I’ll get NOTHING I want
Then you wanna act brand new, wow
Why should I wear my heart on my sleeve?
So you can walk up to me and stab it?
Why should I think that you’re different from the rest?
Why should I get my hopes up for nothing?
When all that’s being ran on me is a mind game
One minute your hot, the next your cold
I can’t ride on your emotional roller coaster
I can’t and won’t be your Muppet baby, puppet or play thing
My heart is too real and genuine for that
My love is too kind, caring and catering
To let you or anyone unworthy take advantage of it
I am a woman, I’m human and I have REAL feelings
My feelings do count
Maybe not to you but hey, that’s your loss
So why should I believe anything you say?
When things seem “a little off” at times
It’s that woman’s intuition that’s telling me that
Most likely someone else has your attention so
Why should I fall for you?
So I can get my fuking heart broken?
So I can be up crying at night because
I didn’t hear from you or see you?
One minute your up, the next your down
Then you get nonchalant, oh no, I can’t
Did I say I wanted to fall in love or even catch feelings for you?
NO. So why should I listen to you tell me about your feelings for me?
So I can get gassed and end up falling flat on my face
And you won’t be there to catch me?
So the plan is for me to set myself up for empty promises?
So you’ll say we were on the same page
But really you’re not on the same page as me, and If you’re not then
I have to say goodbye, or maybe you’ve said goodbye
And I’m the dumb ass that’s waiting for a call or meet up that I’ll never get
Because my feelings are already in way too deep
And I’m afraid if I continue I’ll hit rock bottom
And you’ll be on the next plane to ecstasy with the next bitch
While I’ll be locked away in a cold prison called sadness with other women
Suffering from a broken heart, withdrawal and stupidity syndrome
Yeah, so why should I continue to play the fool for you?
When what you said you wanted in a woman is staring you in your face: ME
And yet, I’m just not enough for you
So I see
What matters to me doesn’t matter to you
And I’m assuming you have a better woman or women in your life
To fulfill all of your useless needs
Thanks for the good time
But I’m not up for the usage anymore
Why?
Because I am worth more than just a good time in the bedroom
My shop is now closed to you.
You’re no longer privileged to feast in this shop, steal goodies, and use what you want, come and go as you please and not give a damn about anything but your own wants and needs. SELFISH ASS. So yes, I’m through. My heart, feelings and emotions are now switched off.
Why?
Because I refuse to accept your pack of lies & I’ll no longer be stupid & be your spare tire when you need a good fix

Goodbye

Copyright ©2011 LaRita C.

Officially Wanting You

Baby...

If wanting you is wrong

Then I don't ever wanna be right

I'd rather be wrong for the rest of my life

Then to be without you

A piece of my heart dies slowly each day

Knowing that you’re gone

But If I could have just a piece of your love

I’d rather have that then to have nothing at all


I have come to the realization that indeed

Loving you is wrong but…

I can’t help myself

Absolutely not, and I know I should care but…

Let the truth be known: I love you

Deeply

And although I do respect you and what you have

That will NEVER stop my heart from feeling you in it

So if loving you is wrong, then let it be wrong

Because being right is NOT an option for me


Baby…

If you dig deep into your heart

Will you find me in it?

I’m as serious as death

Will you find at least a piece of me

Buried inside of your heart?

Will you close your eyes

Picture us together

Our lips softly gracing each other’s

My hands caressing your beautiful skin

Trailing deep and passionate kisses along your neck

Your arms wrapped around me tightly…like you don’t wanna let go

My tongue dancing around yours

Baby… I’m getting weaker by the seconds

Thinking about our bodies pressed against one another's....

It's official, I want you, I really do


So If these feelings are wrong

Tonight, I don’t wanna be right

Tonight I wanna appreciate you

From the top of your head

Down to the bottom of your feet

Baby…

I wanna make love to you.


Copyright ©2011 LaRita C.

Untitled

This time around....I wanted it to be so different...So I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep... I ended up In what appeared to be fantasy land, where everything seemed so serene and peaceful.I felt few worries, no stress, everything seemed to feel...different. I took a seat by a pond. The water was so amazingly beautiful, literally sparkling, my soul pounded with delight and I was smiling from cheek to cheek.Startled by the tap on my shoulder, I jumped up...to meet the eyes of someone so breathtaking, I became speechless, not knowing what to say next. The stranger
introduced himself and lifted my hand in the most delicate way.
I blushed with delight and my stomach stirred with butterflies... what was going on? I quickly dashed away, hearing the stranger calling after me, but how did he know my name? Filled with confusion, I turned around and the stranger was gone.I jumped up from the deep sleep, wiped the sweat from my head and looked around my room as if I would spot the stranger. Wow. My head instantly pounded with a massive headache.

The next night, I fell into another deep sleep. I end up back at the pond, my eyes searched all around for the stranger. It was only within seconds of seeing the stranger the night before that I realized how drawn to his spirit I was. It felt right to be in his presence. I wanted to know more about him, where he was from, I wanted to know him from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, on a mental level, spiritual level, emotional level, physical level....I wanted this time around to be different. Surprisingly while I was in deep thought the stranger had sat beside me. I was nervous but we talked for what seemed like hours. By the end of the conversation, my soul felt connected to his. We were like two pure natural beings. He was the earth and I was his Sun. Our connection was so deep that we had already developed this mutual understanding for one another.

For the next weeks, I continued to have this same dream, the stranger and I meeting up, talking, walking, holding hands, so heavily and deeply connected we were like two magnets that couldn't be pulled away from each other. I wanted to be his everything. I had NEVER felt that way about anyone. Sometimes I often wondered, was is just a dream, was it just a fantasy? When was I going to get my chance to experience the ultimate feeling of love? Hell, what was the Ultimate feeling of love? Was it taking the time to really know one another, trusting each other, communicating with one another, respecting one another, being patient with one another, accepting one another, being real with one another, taking the necessary quality time to actually love one another, spending this amazing time together to get to that level of learning how to meet that person's needs on all levels. Taking long strolls through the park together, dining together, engaging in several activities together to keep the hearts strong and pumping, traveling together, taking strolls along the beach, taking pictures together to bookmark the love that was written in the skies, sharing so many intimate moments together with each other, around family and friends.... was this the Ultimate love? Going above and beyond to prove how you feel about a person? Having consideration for the person's thoughts and feelings? Treating each other like you really matter to one another, being in love and blinded by love because it existed in both partners eyes....wow, this is the kind of love that I wanted.

For one week straight I didn't have the dream. I went to bed disappointed and alone. I wanted to have this dream because it felt so real..... and the next night as I turned the key in my door I dropped my bag of groceries as I spotted him....the stranger! What was really going on? His eyes met mine, as if he knew me. His jaw dropped. We came close to each other. As I began to speak he put his finger to my mouth and said...please....don't speak. You feel as real as my flesh and my heart that pounds a million beats per second. Please....if this is a dream,if seeing you is a dream, then please...don't ever wake me. I think I have found my Soul Mate. A tear drop rolled down my cheek as his lips pressed against mine.My dream turned into reality.I held tight and never let go.

Copyright ©2011 LaRita C.