Thursday, February 3, 2011


Feels like I’ve been slowly dying
Slipping into a coma for quite some time now
Headed into a deep dark cold sleep
Thinking that it was all a dream when…
It was actually reality settling in
I did things to mask the hurt and pain but
It didn’t work, each day I died slowly until
One morning I felt numb and lifeless
I felt pain in my heart, distress, a void
That morning… I died. Every inch of me that ever loved
Died. My heat couldn’t go on loving anymore
Hurt, pain, distress, mistreatment, neglect, my heart
Walked all over. My feelings? Crushed. My thoughts? Ignored
My wants and desires? Overlooked. Love had infected me venomously
If this is the result of what love is supposed to feel like then
Pull the plug and let me code blue. No need for me to cling on to life when love will leave me for dead anyway. Love? I put EVERYTHING on the line for it, sacrificing so much to end up with…a broken heart. Love, has left a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. Love has caused me to have:little to no trust, insecurities, doubtfulness, worrisome, love has scarred my perception of what love is truly supposed to be like and feel like. Love has corrupted my mind
Love has done nothing but lead me in a ruthless and reckless lane, ending up feeling alone, used, dissatisfied, angry and disgusted. My heart? I decided to lock up and throw away the key. Love doesn’t live here anymore, sick of being lied to, sick of being alone, sick of fantasizing about one day having this “Love” out of a fairy tale book. I’m now convinced that love is for the birds, the butterflies and the bees, love is not for me. If I can’t be shown love, If I can’t get what I deserve from love, if love can’t help me make the right decisions instead of leading me into a danger zone, I don’t want love. I don’t believe in it anymore and it doesn’t believe in me either. If I can’t be rescued from Love’s torture chamber, then Love will remain nothing to me. Love? The word is constantly misused for one’s own selfish purposes. Love? The word is entailed with empty promises, broken promises, too many sorry's and lame excuses and not enough time invested in showing what love really means. Love, I’ve had enough. Love, stay away from me. Love, don’t utter the words when you refuse to show your true self. Love? I can't.....

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